Dedicated to my late brave, beautiful and silly mummy, Debra Ross. I love you mumster.

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Category archive for personal

Because archives are so much easier than having just hundreds of posts on the home page. I learned that the hard way.

Jim is back, my own go at philosophy

If you haven’t checked your Whole Wheaty pages in the last few days, Jim Kloss has returned from his mother’s funeral in Ohio. He’s back on the air in Alaska, is receiving parcels at home for Esther, and is even having fun with domain registration scammers according to his latest audio magazine!! It’s great to hear his voice again, I’m glad those really, really difficult weeks are over, and that his family was there for him. Now if only people would stop sending him damned hate email he’d be well on his way to recovering!

ASIDE: As with my post on Ed Craver, I’m finding it hard to figure out what to say let alone how to say it, so I get the feeling this will be a post that’s just one disjointed thought after another. I decided not to create a Rubenerd Show about it because right now I’m in the typing zone instead, plus it’s easier to delete, rearrange and clean up all the nonsense!

In particular I wanted to talk about a few of the ideas he brought up.

For me it was interesting to hear how he perceives the human body as largely a vessel that merely contains the soul or essence of a person, and how disconnected they really are at times of great hardship or when they eventually pass on. The inevitable result of which is being able to see a close person to you in said periods of time or at those inevitable milestones and not feel so upset or hurt.

Despite my best attempts and my own journey to understanding perceptions and spirituality, I’d say for the most part I’m a still a materialist; not in the sense that I value possessions over humans or the other negative connotations people have with that term, but just simply that I don’t see the difference between life force and physical objects.

The way I see it at my own current level of personal exploration, when I see a flower I don’t think of the energy contained within as being distinct and the plant is merely the object we see and use to interact with it, I see a breathtakingly complex organism that has been the result of an incomprehensible time period of natural selection that has given its own species’ unique physical characteristics and abilities. When the flower dies, the cells in the flower stop dividing and the organism no longer sustains its own existence. What I mean is: without the flower there is no flower life, nor the potential to evolve to something even higher or more beautiful.

Perhaps this was what Jim meant by a container. In this case the flower is merely the container that has evolved to support the flower’s life. My issue is that I see a container as more of a apparatus that just happens to hold a particular substance. Water in a bucket when spilled on the floor is still water; its properties and characteristics haven’t changed. Again harking back to my limited materialistic perceptions, as a human being I feel intimately attached to my body to an extent where I couldn’t feel as though I could exist without it. My body is not a container that could easily be swapped for another one, this body is me. In a sentimental way, this body has been with me though various iterations throughout my whole life, when I think about it it’s the only thing in this entire universe that has.

I also feel as though my body is more than a container because it defines what I can and cannot do not only physically, but also in how I perceive things, remember things, feel emotions. The human brain, for all it’s breathtaking complexity is still made of physical material that when changed chemically or physically affects what I feel, see and do.

To be very cold, unromantic and blunt (here we go!), I’d say if I were truly just being contained in this vessel, my thoughts shouldn’t be affected by what happens to it. Quite the opposite, I know that if I drink a few Red Bulls, a cup of coffee or a few pints of Guinness my thoughts and perceptions change drastically. I’m not independent of my container, I am my container!

As Jim said himself, we might see things in this huge world in very different ways, but it is fascinating to hear how others perceive such life fundamentals, and damned f*cking comforting to know that no matter what we all do in this life, that we all have each other and that there are other people who can and do feel the same things we do. Just sometimes though (I know I speak from my own view especially): we need reminding of that fact.

And at the end of it all, the mortality rate of all humans is a perfect 100%. Well, unless Duncan MacLeod was really onto something. Black humour, both Jim and I are entitled to it right now. ;-)

ASIDE: Is it any wonder why I couldn’t bring myself to look at mummy and we needed a closed casket at her funeral? Perhaps I’ll grow, change and mature as I get older. I just wish I had been given the time to do so before she left.

Back in KL again

Suria KLCC shopping centre at the base of the Petronas Twin Towers in KL, Malaysia

Salamat datang ke Rubenerd Blog p1181!

Well here I am back in KL again typing away in at the Starbucks in KLCC. Don’t let my archival Flickr photo above fool you though, it’s been raining the whole time I’ve been here! In the tropics a light shower is a good thing though in my opinion, the clouds block some of the sunlight and make the temperature a bit cooler, especially in the evening after a day of rain.

I’ve met up with a friend of mine for some semi-official business regarding semi-official business and it went surprisingly well, we’ve hammered out some plans. With all the talk about email, then instant messaging, then blog comments, then micro blogging on services such as Twitter, it’s still so much simpler and faster organising things in person. I always cringe whenever my dad says that the internet is amazing because you could work literally anywhere on Earth now and do a job through it; while I’m sure it’s possible and I know lots of people who do work like that, I couldn’t imagine giving up on human to human contact for 100% of a business. It would be downright maddening!

I’m here with my sister and we’ll be back in Singapore late this week.

Web 8.0 goodness

I was running out of space on my navigation bar for all my Web 8.0 (or whatever version the 1337 internet people have decided to use now) goodness, so I figured I’d create a separate post that I can link to at the top of the site instead.

This list is a work in progress, and allows me to pass off something to help me remember things as a legitimate blog post… not that I have bad memory or anything. By the way, this list is a work in progress.

Message to James Kloss

James Kloss Taken from the current chat page over on Whole Wheat Radio:

I’m so sorry, hugs from Elke and I. I’ve read what you posted on this site about your mum over the years, she sounded like a upstanding, warm, beautiful and very special person.

Having just lost our mummy recently we know probably the last thing you want to read is sad words, so all we’ll say is that we know you’ve damn well done your mum proud. Have a safe and speedy journey to Ohio, we’ll all keep the Wheaty fires burning until you get back.

Peace and love to you and your family James.

Love Ruben and Elke

All work and no sleep makes Ruben something

I’ve been having real problems these last few weeks sleeping for some reason. A combination of really bad insomnia, emotion over a certain recent event and other whatnot have really started taking their toll, I’ve been feeling really physically and mentally tired all day, every day. When you sit in your computer chair working and studying in the early afternoon, late at night, early in the morning or any other time of the day, and the number one fantasy going through your head at all times is how nice it would be to climb into a comfy bed and go to sleep, you know there’s something wrong!

I haven’t been drinking any more coffee that I usually do, and certainly none in the late afternoon or evening. Even my sister seems to have been having trouble as of late herself for similar reasons.

I think I need a change of scenery. Perhaps I’ll change my desktop environment on one of my other machines from KDE to GNOME, just to shake things up (I liked my week long GNOME trial more than I thought I would, though I think I’ll keep KDE on my primary FreeBSD machine for now). I’ll uninstall Mono though once it attaches itself.

Perhaps I’ll try doing some morning hikes around Sungei Buloh instead of the usual Bukit Timah park as well. I’m a wild guy!

Sleep...

Starbucks or Makkers for studying?

8pm Singapore Starbucks

So I was sitting at Starbucks in Tanglin Mall having a much needed tall Americano (you could take that many ways) when some school girls sat at the table next to mine and proceeded to get out their laptops. After 30 seconds one of their friends arrived and shouted “Go to McDonald’s next door to do this! They have french fry (sic), they have ice cream, much more bright”. After rummaging around, they all stood up and walked away again.

The question I pose is this: why the heck would you want to study in McDonalds when you could study in Starbucks? Come on, they’re playing a Rat Pack CD here, all the chairs are soft and comfy, and they use bright but warm lights instead of rows of fluorescent tubes! McDonalds would rate amongst the last places I’d want to study!

Am I so out of touch? Or is the caffeine affecting my judgement? :-).

A silly happy birthday Elke!

Big and silly happy birthday wishes going out to my little sister and Rubenerd Show Computer Game Reviewer Elke Schade who turns 19 today. She’s three years younger than me, and somehow more mature… speaking of which I used the most embarrassing photo I could find :-D

She’s not as cool as those of us born in March, but she wasn’t too far off. We can’t all be perfect I guess :-)

Elke

I’m 22, but I won’t wear one!

My dad and I at Brotzeit at Vivo city for my 22nd!
My dad and I at Brotzeit at Vivo city for my 22nd!

I’ve turned the big Two Two
Just don’t expect me to wear one!

Hey come on, it’s the only time in my life when I’ll be able to say that!
- Ruben Schade to his father, Singapore 2008

Thank you to all the fabulous people who have emailed me and Twittered birthday wishes!

I also want to wish Frank Edward Nora’s baby The Overnightscape a happy birthday too, which happens to fall on this exact same day… synchronicity! If you didn’t read about it, he overhauled its logo recently too in celebration!